ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
