at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
