They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
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