What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize