i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
