When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
