Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize