Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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