Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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