saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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