remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
