your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
