You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
