peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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