oh god the rape fog is back!
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Randomize
