3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
