Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
