This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
