Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
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