Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
