I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
