And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Randomize
