I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
