those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
