Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
