what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Randomize
