Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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