so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
