After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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