i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
where are my pants?
in the oven.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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