does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
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