Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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