She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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