Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
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We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
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Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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