I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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