The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
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