You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
