ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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