I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
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