fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
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