The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
