it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
