Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
