maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
