im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
