sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
