So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
