Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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