He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Randomize
