I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
