Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Randomize
