Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
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