YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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