i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
