Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
