Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
