Can i not drive my cunt home
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Shame - the story of my life.
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