WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
