we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
