But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I think my moral compass just broke
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