I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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