Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
