Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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