Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
