where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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