I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
