Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
