So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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