The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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