all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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