You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I have aggressive nipples.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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