Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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