Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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