Moan for me like Helen Keller
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
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