I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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