so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Randomize
