Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
