at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
