So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
