My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
