Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
My vagina is officially offended.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
