He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
