THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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