who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
